How do you "greet" people? Do you consider it? Do you run and say hello to newcomers when they arrive, or wait until they come and greet you?
I recently went to an event where I was not a "primary" group member. In my groups, we all say hello when we see a new person has arrived, even in some cases when we don't know that person, we introduce ourselves. Isn't this what you are supposed to do?
So I arrive, and no one greets me. I greet some, make a general "hello" to everybody - all of whom know me, and I know them, yet still they all staying in their places, talking to their neighbors, and not wasting their time by breaking their normal ways of being by associating with me.
Did I smell?
Was I rude?
Nope - this is the way this group survives, and why I don't run to their gatherings as quickly as I might others. I only go for a few precious people who ask me to be there.
So I went, I stuck around, and I left without a word to anyone who didn't have the time for me.
I also left feeling very lonely and hurt even though I know this is just the nature of the group, and I expected it.
How is it that people, who are decendants of group loving social animals can behave this way? Is this the future of humans? I certainly hope not...
So when you are at your next function, gathering, or tea party - make an effort to introduce yourself, say hello to people as they arrive - take a minute to make someone feel welcome - it's good for your kharma.
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I'm not a greeter, because I'm more shy then most, but I certainly appreciate someone reaching out and making me feel welcome. How weird that it was family tho. I usually feel that when I go to one of Marks friends function. I feel so alienated when no one talks to me and I feel intrusive when I try to enter a conversation. IDK why people do it. I am certainly friendly when someone new speaks to me - I'm glad to meet another person - who knows who you're going to click with.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I feel your pain in the worst way. I encounter the same problem with people not greeting, or call it what you want, all of the time. Pertaining to the public, I find few people who initiate a smile, eye contact, hello, just words, etc. If I'm among a group of people I know, it is fairly uncommon for people to just gravitate towards me, or seek me out to say hello, etc. They may or may not be shy and/or gregarious. Like Kim, I am a bit on the shy side, so I don't easily go to people I don't know or know well and say hi and start a conversation, although my inner self wants to badly. People just want to stick to their own kind or only want to interact with people who have a certain look or persona or who may have something they want. I am not eye candy, I am overweight, I don't have something people want, I am shy...so there lies the problem.
ReplyDeleteI do make an effort to give everybody that passes me by eye contact and a smile. Some don't even look up, some look straight ahead, some will make eye contact with or without a smile. Occasionally, to my pleasant surprise, a person will make eye contact, smile and say hello first. I ALWAYS reciprocate.
Our country is in a sad state. We are the land of opportunity. The opportunity knocks on other countries' doors. People answer the door and come take advantage of the opportunity. When enough of a nationality moves over here, they stick to themselves. They may or may not immerse into the American Culture. They don't bother learning the english language. If they have enough of their own, do they need to make friends with those of us born and raised here? I feel as though I am becoming more foreign to my own country because this country has allowed the foreign born to come over and do what they want, when they want, without respect for those of us who were born and raised here.
Carrie
I think you should move Carrie - or find a good irish American club somewhere and have an iced cold beer with some fun people!
ReplyDeleteHmmm... maybe I should do that too!
There are good, friendly people in all groups. It is natural to be shy in a group and have fear of rejection. If I dont say hello to anyone, I wont be rejected. So again...here...I have to be the change I want to see in the world...Am I up to the challange?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Maria, for challenging me today!
-Karen